guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
