Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
