He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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