Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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