I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize