All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't think brook has ever known best
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
