Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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