My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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