you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
