i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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