i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize