Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
