the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
