I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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