O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
