So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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