I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
