I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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