Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
