Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
