Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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