I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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