At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
