for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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