I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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