i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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