tell your sister to shave her snatch
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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