My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
