jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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