omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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