I have demons in me.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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