we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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