i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
