I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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