I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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