Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
