She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
