Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
