we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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