Can Purell be used as lube?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Panties = found
Randomize
