He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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