Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
