he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
