I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will pee on everything he values.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
