PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
