im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
