all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
