So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
