I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
