I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
