Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
