i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
