They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
