It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
