And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
