About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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