This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
