dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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