When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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