i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm too high and old for this...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
