that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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