I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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