Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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