he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
