im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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